Year end

If I were asked about the greatest achievement of 2007, it must be joining SPE.

Holiday season. Not in the mood for work. I ended up spending the holiday at home, but my mind wasn’t really there. It’s like a trip back to the 90s. The concept of family has become so vague… So is the festival…

The curtain falls on 2007. The other day a friend asked me what my New Year resolution was, a question I’d never thought about. I don’t wanna set any goals, don’t wanna be pressured. My old 12.31 diaries were mostly reviews of the past, so the word resolution is pretty strange to me. Well, this year, I want it different...

Counting down

It was like yesterday that we discussed in the dorm how old we would be by 2008. The fact is it’s right around the corner. No changes to me, still like a twig floating in a creek. I’m more and more afraid of changes, even a small setting on the computer would make me uncomfortable.

A debating topic we had in university came to my mind: work to live or live to work? By that I found my problem, after a long time of rumination. I live to work, but work can’t fill all my life. It’s not my choice, because I don’t have a choice at all.

Beaujolais Nouveau Day

I'm so honored to be invited to this party on the third Thursday of November. From Landmark Building to Block 8, a bustling area of Beijing's nightlife.

Reception girls in white dresses are young and fetching – a new generation of competitors. I sat in an obscure corner, chitchatting with my old colleagues. I used to be a member of the family. Nobody noticed me in the dark, but I believe my card with the Sony Pictures logo was enough to overtake everyone, everything.

Kiev restaurant

It’s been a busy week. We had dinner with a partner at Kiev restaurant Friday evening. Russian folk music and Ukraine singers in uniforms seemd to have brought the older generation to a time long forgotten.

That’s what I like about the job – chances of going out, seeing interesting things, trying exotic foods… I call them sparkles. Moving to the right job is like opening a window and suddenly, a complete new world is in front of you.

Business trip to Singapore

Globalization can be devilish. Traveling on the street, I don’t know where I am, BJ, HK or SG? KFC, Watsons and Carrefour have added to the amiability of a city and blurred the geographical line, but at the same time, they make the cities characterless.

Business trips are really exhausting. This one is so much like the HK trip 3 yrs ago. It’s all about meetings, from morning to night, one after another. I’m still a new face, fighting against drowsiness.

The return trip was literally nightmarish. It was my first red eye flight – sleepless in the air. 6 hours. What welcomed us at the airport was the gloomy sky of Beijing. The autumn fling is over.

Doubts

CBD is busy as usual, but the life of a regular 9-to-6er is no longer as fresh to me as it was three years ago.

I’m still adjusting myself to this normal life. I’m actually full of doubts. I used to think one week was enough to see if it’s the right job for me, but this time I’m so unsure of myself. Do I really like marketing or I’m just chasing the ghost of my first job?

Last day at Dow Jones

Flowers bloom and wither; clouds gather and disperse; seasons come and go.

8月底的北京已经有了秋天的味道，中午坐在车上，竟然感到风有些凉。从三环一路走来，发现给我留下记忆的都是Sopexa：04年走过的那些地方，05年冬天大董烤鸭店最后的晚餐，而在道琼斯的日子却平淡的没有一丝波澜。这种淡然就像麻药，让我真切地感受到了所谓的退化。

最后一刻让我意外的是一些小同事的open，原来大家都感觉到了这里的不足，外表的光鲜掩饰不了内心的寂寞，我最终的选择是勇敢地迈出去。对于刚步入25岁的我来说，这是一个不小的risk。

很多人都把30岁当成一个坎儿，而在我眼里，这个坎儿是25。过去的三年给了我同龄人没有的经历。出国一直是我的梦想，很羡慕身边踏出国门的人，但是由于种种原因，我只能将它作为我的last choice。

9月份可以算是真正意义上的秋天了，一切都要重新开始，脑中突然出现了一幅画面：七年前，我站在北外的校园里，早上有点冷。

The choice

Yesterday was my last morning shift, my last day to get off work at 3pm.

I went to the exhibition this morning, just to familiarize myself with the new environment. I suddenly felt a bit worried. Is it the right choice to give up my current job when everything is so stable?

If I stayed, I might become a translator and probably have a chance to go to Jersey City for a four-month working trip. But how long would that take? Another two years? Sorry, I can't afford the time. Besides, I'm not really interested in being an uncreative translating machine.

If I left, well, to be honest, I don't know.

Making a choice is the most difficult test that life gives us. Nobody can foresee the influence of a choice in ten years. I don't have a crystal ball; only time can tell. Hope this time I'm not the lousy choice maker.

30 days’ notice

I thought I would be happy after tendering my resignation. But the fact is, I’m not. However I hate the job, I’ve been with this place for over 1.5 yrs and am a bit reluctant to leave. I feel like a traitor being nailed to the pillory, or a prisoner being sentenced to death, waiting for his last day.

I AM glad that I can finally break away from the boring work, (for the most part, I’m shirking), but I’m sad that I’m leaving the office so familiar to me. I’m a little antsy, but my boss sits right next to me, so I must keep my composure and do my job well. It’s the same experience as I left Sopexa. Just hope the last 4 weeks won’t drain me of all strength.

Resignation

It’s not my first time to resign. Though the letter has been in my draft box for long, I hesitated when I sent it. It’s just so hard to click “send”, so hard to say goodbye, which I didn’t expect. J is a nice boss, a knowledgeable man. I knew that since he had first interviewed me. “It’s really a good fight against Murdock!” – he was kidding. Now my days at Dow Jones are numbered. What a shame!

Everything is illuminated

A job offer from Sony Pictures is probably the best birthday gift I’ve ever received. I’m lucky this time, to get this position coveted by so many. Thanks to Betty, who helped me with the reference check.

I have no excuse to refuse this generous offer. Just as Dow Jones finally sold itself to News Corp. yesterday, I also made a deal for myself.

I thought I would never have a chance to enter Landmark again, but when it really happened, I'm kind of diffident. The future becomes uncertain, for both DJ and me.

PS: It seems I'm drifting away from being an editor... It's only a dream now...

Seven years in Peking

Seven years ago, I left home for Beijing to study. After graduation four years later, I was suddenly tossed in society. Now what have become of me? I’m still not a Beijinger and never will I be. I have a decent job; I pay taxes and I contribute to its GDP, but I wouldn’t be granted a hukou. I can’t go back to my hometown either, because each time I return to that small city, I feel myself no longer belong there. I’ve alienated my family and been assimilated by Beijing. How pathetic!

During the past three years, I have been in several different jobs and got to know some people. I can see myself in ten years: finding a Mr. right, getting married, having a kid, settling into a mundane life, just like any normal person would do, or what social convention requires them to do. Such a life is like a game – getting through a certain pass at a certain age, till game over. But it’s not an easy mission to complete in this overpopulated and overpolluted city. I’m not confident.

Doing a job I’ve no interest in makes me unhappy. I’m repeating every day, which is what I’m most afraid of. I want to make breakthroughs, but it’s not something that can be achieved by changing a job. To me, the freshness of a new job doesn’t go beyond two weeks. I’m thinking of quitting and preparing to study abroad. That is a way full of challenges and unpredictabilities. But I'm wavering because I’m too familiar with everything around me and a bit reluctant to give them up. Maybe it’s time to pack up and move on.

Summer

The sultry weather of summer lulls me to dopiness again. I can hardly move on. Inertia has overcome momentum. Half of 2007 has passed and maybe I’ll idle the rest of the year away if I screw my last chance at Sony Pictures.

2004 seems so far away now. My first summer in Beijing – everything was novel and the season wasn’t so obnoxious to me. Last summer, I still had memories. Today, sadly, they are deteriorating like oils on an old painting.

Scoop

Dabbling in news was beyond my wildest dreams. Now the CD website gave me a chance. Ever since my encounter with the magazine, I’d set my goal as being an editor. It took me half a year to find a similar position, but I still can’t make up my mind. 3 yrs is a turning point. It’s impossible to transfer to another industry and I don’t want my 1.5 yrs at DJ to be in vain. I know I like to work on words, but China’s politics is not my interest. What’s life like in a state media? Can I survive the 2 month’s trial period? And the shift, the monthly review… Everything is unknown. I’m wondering if they gave me the offer because of Dow Jones + Beiwai, or my performance.

People working in the media seem to be in awe of Dow Jones. So am I, to the unfamiliar part, and so was I because I knew the truth.

April

又是一个漫天柳絮的季节。北京的春天似乎不再那么让我绝望，大概是因为目前这种平和的状态吧。喜欢傍晚站在11层的窗口，微风拂面，马路上树已成荫，光华路上车水马龙，而我却在屋子里享受片刻的安宁。冬天的黄昏总是透着一丝凄凉，而春天却载着一分希望。夕阳西下，城市褪去了一天的疲惫，阳光懒洋洋的照在脸上，好舒服。

04年春天Sopexa那间西南角的办公室让我爱上了夕阳，尽管常常被阳光刺得睁不开眼睛。05年夏天每天5点多从WAB校园里走出来那灿烂的阳光，还有现在背对着嘉里中心的座位，仍旧能看到夕阳，这大概是我沉闷工作中唯一的安慰了。

I have a dream

I have a dream that one day I can have a dream at 4 o’clock. I don’t want to wake up at 4 every morning, tossing about in bed, eyes wide shut, watching the sun looming from the gloomy sky.
I have a dream that one day I can have a slow breakfast. I’m tired of gobbling two pieces of cold bread in one minute with my eyes fixed on the screen for pop-up news.
I have a dream that one day I can find a job I like to do. I don’t need to find a ton of reasons to say I quit. One is enough – I don’t like it.

I have a dream that one day I can go out wearing a white shirt and black shoes and when I return, the white shirt is still white and black shoes still black, not the other way round.
I have a dream that one day I can leave the windows of my apartment open and see no sand or dust on the floor an hour later.
I have a dream that one day the sun will stop playing hide-and-seek with us. Not everything has been illuminated yet.

A toast to memories

Spring is a nostalgic season for me. Maybe it’s because my best and worst experience both occurred in this period. As time slips by mercilessly, the memories will fade into oblivion, but its alteration to me endures and it’s perpetual.

March is half gone. Reality keeps bursting my bubbles and it tells me never hope for a miracle. But I am not entirely without a chance, dim though.

Chinese New Year in BJ

Beijing emptied overnight, as if an emergency evacuation had just happened. It falls into deep sleep. Streets are festooned with bright splashes of China red. Sporadic fireworks illuminate the sky. Other than that, nothing new.

Back to work -- a perfect excuse to shy away from the banalities, which China has been sticking to for thousands of years. People eat as if they have been starving for years; say Guo nian hao to each other repeatedly like a tape recorder; light strings of firecrackers to produce noise and pollute the air... I just can’t figure out why using such a violent way for celebration.

Beijing Only

For tourists in Beijing, the old saying “One who fails to reach the Great Wall is not a hero” may be true. But for its residents, this must sound cliché. The capital city has more fun to offer and you shouldn’t miss them.

Subway
Getting yourself onto the subway in the rush hour is not an easy battle to fight. No sooner the train stops than the passengers swarm to it. The guards are yelling “Xian xia hou shang” (Let the passengers get off first.) with loudspeakers. If you are unfortunately sandwiched between the doors, don’t worry, they will give you a hand and squeeze you in.

The situation inside is no better than outside. You are stuck, feeling like metamorphosing into a thin picture. The odor mixed with perfume and sweat is stimulating your nose; the music fanatic’s MP3 is rocking your ears; the high heels around are threatening your feet; the frizzy hair in front of you is sweeping your face; the little pair of glasses is capping his paper on your head… Next time when taking the subway, wish yourself to be a hedgehog.

Queuing Day
From kindergarten kids to adults, every Beijinger is learning to queue. Recently the municipal government has announced the 11th of each month to be Queuing Day, in the hope of perfecting the city’s image before its debut in 2008.

However, it takes three generations to make a gentleman. Can the uncivilized understand the social etiquette in a short span of 18 months? Anyway, let’s be optimistic. Even a kitten is learning to mop her face with the paw. Humans will progress, too.

Pajamas during the Day
With spring on her way, the pajama contingent is awakening from hibernation. Soon they will dot the communities, markets and parks with fancy flowers and teddy bears printed on their baggy cotton outfits. Get ready for the show!

Summer is more eye-opening. While men’s eyes are dazzled by swanky girls, women are not so lucky. It’s showtime for the infamous “bang ye”-- people who stroll around bare-armed. Don’t be embarrassed by their flabby stomach. They are so at ease, why should you?

It is right these little fragments that compose the miscellaneous city. Like it or not, that’s real Beijing.

Brain Storm

Early in the morning, one of our night-shift (11pm-7am) colleagues collapsed. A 120 was called and immediately sent her to the hospital. The doctor said she had a brain hemorrhage. We were shocked.

She is young, probably in her late 20s, single and is a non-Beijinger. Her brother flew to BJ in the afternoon to look after her.

I was thinking if one day such a disaster hit me… Can’t imagine that! I even don’t have a brother or sister.

We do care about our health, but sometimes we just can’t help. It’s not until someone sitting next to us suddenly collapses that the alarm is set off. If we all struggle in the office for the meager salary to prepare for our old age and cover the medical fare, then what’s the meaning of life?

Human beings are so vulnerable in front of diseases. We have advanced equipment to do plastic surgery, but we are hardly able to defeat the virus inside our body. We can make atom bombs and nuclear weapons to kill, but we are can’t stop death from approaching. Alas!

New Year quote

Experience is, for me, the highest authority. The touchstone of validity is my own experience. No other person's ideas, and none of my own ideas, are as authoritative as my experience.... Neither the Bible nor the prophets-neither Freud nor research-neither the revelations of God nor man-can take precedence over my own direct experience.

---On Becoming a Person, Carl Rogers