Holiday phobia

The year end is not just about holidays and bonuses. It’s tough, hectic and weary. One gathering after another… batches of people to socialize with… A people person may enjoy it. Unfortunately, I’m not. Why are we so different? I learnt this very interesting theory in my psychology course:


Eysenck proposed that extraversion was caused by variability in cortical arousal: "introverts are characterized by higher levels of activity than extraverts and so are chronically more cortically aroused than extraverts". While it seems counterintuitive to suppose that introverts are more aroused than extraverts, the putative effect this has on behaviour is such that the introvert seeks lower levels of stimulation. Conversely, the extravert seeks to heighten his or her arousal to a more favourable level increased activity, social engagement and other stimulation-seeking behaviors.

So instead of being with acquaintances in a loud place, I’d rather stay home quietly. Leave me alone please -- I have high cortical arousal level.

Freudian slip

心理学的课程暂告一段落，留下厚厚的一摞书要看。11月考试和出差撞到一起，那就明年再说吧。
16号参加同事的婚礼，碰到刚跳槽到Mckinsey的老同事。听她聊新工作，每天跟各个国家的人沟通，也蛮有意思的。有一次她写邮件把flight拼成了fight，老板回复说这是一个Freudian slip，哈哈。不了解心理学的人可能要google一下才能找到答案。这又何尝不是在工作中学习的机会？她说想想以前在SPE的工作真是太轻松了。

我又有点confused，不知道是否应该做一份累、挣得多、能学到东西的工作还是维持现状。人真是不容易满足。不过要是有一天真的达到了Maslow所说的自我实现，人生大概也就没有追求了吧。

The clock is ticking – only 3 months left in 2011.


Time flies so fast. Some friends and cousins have babies this year. Some colleagues move on to new positions. I can feel the peer pressure. But I’m afraid any change will break my balance.

I don’t know if I can take a job which is over 3 km from home. Beijing has been growing explosively in recent years. Commuting between home and office is a miserable experience, no matter you are in your own car, a taxi or any public transportation. Stuck in the middle of the streets, I always feel sick, literally. The only reason I’m still here is I work at SPE and the only reason I work at SPE is its office is 3 km from home. Sounds like a trap…

On the crossroad

It’s my last 20-something birthday. I received a job offer from SPE on my 25th birthday and didn’t hesitate to accept it. Just a moment ago I turned down another offer. I don’t know if it’s right to believe my intuition. There are some similarities between looking for a job and looking for an apartment. I remember the kind of rooms which I don’t want to stay long as soon as I get inside. There is no reason, just a feeling. Or I doubt it’s a suggestion that I’m not ready to leave SPE yet.

I’m picky about offices: its location, room orientation, restroom and even toilet paper in it matters to me. Then I will take career development and salary into consideration. For now, I’d better take a break.

New priority

For the past half year, I’ve been showing this wait-and-see attitude towards my job and the company. I wasn’t surprised that HR in Singapore office failed to confirm my bonus and promotion which usually should have been done by the end of June. It would astonish me if they were ever able to meet deadlines, while Beijing office was so unreachable and there was actually no deadline. Who cares? It doesn’t matter any more. I won’t focus too much because SPE doesn’t deserve it. There will be a day when I get the hell out of here.


After wavering for a long time, I finally registered for a course in psychology. So yesterday I had the most enlightening day of 2011. A new subject will give me a new perspective. Learning will be my top priority now.

Ready to move on

SPT的新员工今天入职，是个毕业不到一年的姑娘。能拿到这份offer，应该是很幸运的。AXN的招聘也基本尘埃落定，一直以为要招个男生做销售，结果还是会来个小女生。通过这次招聘我开始重新审视自己当初的选择和目前的状态。收到的简历根本就没有出身名校或者五百强公司的。背景好的人大概都don’t give a shit about sony pictures。想想四年前进公司的时候，可是名校加上知名外企的背景，比其他同级别同事的背景要好得多。快四年了，最初的骄傲和兴奋丧失殆尽，对公司失去了耐心和信心。尽管每年的performance review总是被归在exceed expectations那栏，工资的涨幅却一直都是single digit。升职的事老板从去年开始已经提了不下三次，每次说完便杳无音信。公司的发展空间也确实很有限。再等最后一个月。


I finally come to the conclusion that I don’t have to be here and I don’t want to be stuck here. It’s time to move on. I’m ready.

Debut presentation

"Aside from death, speaking in front of large audiences is the most feared activity for adults."


I read this from an HR training material, one chapter of which was about presentation skills, on a plane to Shenzhen where I was supposed to give a presentation to our affiliates last month.

Doing presentations in class used to be a task I hated most when I was in colleague. Usually quiet and low profile, I wasn’t confident or comfortable being stared at and judged by my peers.

But I had to do it as the job required. In a dimly lit conference room, there sat about 50 audiences. They were young and seemed easy to communicate. I suddenly felt relaxed as if a dose of tranquilizer had been injected into my body. Was it the only benefit of getting old – confidence in front of younger people?