Everything is illuminated

A job offer from Sony Pictures is probably the best birthday gift I’ve ever received. I’m lucky this time, to get this position coveted by so many. Thanks to Betty, who helped me with the reference check.

I have no excuse to refuse this generous offer. Just as Dow Jones finally sold itself to News Corp. yesterday, I also made a deal for myself.

I thought I would never have a chance to enter Landmark again, but when it really happened, I'm kind of diffident. The future becomes uncertain, for both DJ and me.

PS: It seems I'm drifting away from being an editor... It's only a dream now...

Seven years in Peking

Seven years ago, I left home for Beijing to study. After graduation four years later, I was suddenly tossed in society. Now what have become of me? I’m still not a Beijinger and never will I be. I have a decent job; I pay taxes and I contribute to its GDP, but I wouldn’t be granted a hukou. I can’t go back to my hometown either, because each time I return to that small city, I feel myself no longer belong there. I’ve alienated my family and been assimilated by Beijing. How pathetic!

During the past three years, I have been in several different jobs and got to know some people. I can see myself in ten years: finding a Mr. right, getting married, having a kid, settling into a mundane life, just like any normal person would do, or what social convention requires them to do. Such a life is like a game – getting through a certain pass at a certain age, till game over. But it’s not an easy mission to complete in this overpopulated and overpolluted city. I’m not confident.

Doing a job I’ve no interest in makes me unhappy. I’m repeating every day, which is what I’m most afraid of. I want to make breakthroughs, but it’s not something that can be achieved by changing a job. To me, the freshness of a new job doesn’t go beyond two weeks. I’m thinking of quitting and preparing to study abroad. That is a way full of challenges and unpredictabilities. But I'm wavering because I’m too familiar with everything around me and a bit reluctant to give them up. Maybe it’s time to pack up and move on.

Summer

The sultry weather of summer lulls me to dopiness again. I can hardly move on. Inertia has overcome momentum. Half of 2007 has passed and maybe I’ll idle the rest of the year away if I screw my last chance at Sony Pictures.

2004 seems so far away now. My first summer in Beijing – everything was novel and the season wasn’t so obnoxious to me. Last summer, I still had memories. Today, sadly, they are deteriorating like oils on an old painting.

Scoop

Dabbling in news was beyond my wildest dreams. Now the CD website gave me a chance. Ever since my encounter with the magazine, I’d set my goal as being an editor. It took me half a year to find a similar position, but I still can’t make up my mind. 3 yrs is a turning point. It’s impossible to transfer to another industry and I don’t want my 1.5 yrs at DJ to be in vain. I know I like to work on words, but China’s politics is not my interest. What’s life like in a state media? Can I survive the 2 month’s trial period? And the shift, the monthly review… Everything is unknown. I’m wondering if they gave me the offer because of Dow Jones + Beiwai, or my performance.

People working in the media seem to be in awe of Dow Jones. So am I, to the unfamiliar part, and so was I because I knew the truth.

April

又是一个漫天柳絮的季节。北京的春天似乎不再那么让我绝望，大概是因为目前这种平和的状态吧。喜欢傍晚站在11层的窗口，微风拂面，马路上树已成荫，光华路上车水马龙，而我却在屋子里享受片刻的安宁。冬天的黄昏总是透着一丝凄凉，而春天却载着一分希望。夕阳西下，城市褪去了一天的疲惫，阳光懒洋洋的照在脸上，好舒服。

04年春天Sopexa那间西南角的办公室让我爱上了夕阳，尽管常常被阳光刺得睁不开眼睛。05年夏天每天5点多从WAB校园里走出来那灿烂的阳光，还有现在背对着嘉里中心的座位，仍旧能看到夕阳，这大概是我沉闷工作中唯一的安慰了。

I have a dream

I have a dream that one day I can have a dream at 4 o’clock. I don’t want to wake up at 4 every morning, tossing about in bed, eyes wide shut, watching the sun looming from the gloomy sky.
I have a dream that one day I can have a slow breakfast. I’m tired of gobbling two pieces of cold bread in one minute with my eyes fixed on the screen for pop-up news.
I have a dream that one day I can find a job I like to do. I don’t need to find a ton of reasons to say I quit. One is enough – I don’t like it.

I have a dream that one day I can go out wearing a white shirt and black shoes and when I return, the white shirt is still white and black shoes still black, not the other way round.
I have a dream that one day I can leave the windows of my apartment open and see no sand or dust on the floor an hour later.
I have a dream that one day the sun will stop playing hide-and-seek with us. Not everything has been illuminated yet.

A toast to memories

Spring is a nostalgic season for me. Maybe it’s because my best and worst experience both occurred in this period. As time slips by mercilessly, the memories will fade into oblivion, but its alteration to me endures and it’s perpetual.

March is half gone. Reality keeps bursting my bubbles and it tells me never hope for a miracle. But I am not entirely without a chance, dim though.